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Spring Renewal

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Spring is here in the South, and as I was walking the dog in the neighborhood tonight it became very obvious – the smell of meat on the grill, kids still outside playing at 8p because it isn’t fully dark, short sleeves and flip flops to walk the dog, and blogging from the front porch with a cold one.

Spring is a time for renewal of so much of our lives and that should be embraced. Not only are the 4 months from March 1 to July 1 some of the best weather all over the country, but it is also a time many of us get serious about exercising, start planning and getting excited about upcoming vacations, look forward to the end of another school year, and clean out the garage, yard, car, etc from all of the winter build up. 

In business, this four month stretch is one of the strongest of the year in car sales, home sales, travel related industries, and business to business transactions. I’m not an economist, so I can’t explain everything behind that, but it makes sense to me that people are more energized, feel more productive, and have a greater sense of optimism in the spring, which leads them to spend more of their money. As someone who makes his living on sales, I, for one, am happy for that!

So what is going to be renewed for Spring 2014? I’m committed to my running lifestyle, but it gets a jolt with better weather for longer runs; I try to make more of our family time about being outside together where the whining and complaining seems reduced and my tolerance and patience seemed increased; I have several really fun trips and visits planned with family and friends the next four months and just thinking about and planning those gives me energy; and the beauty of nature coming back to life is a strong reminder not only of God’s love for us, but his promise to always bring life and good out of times that seem tough and dark.

I’m going to embrace and savor this time of renewal so I can watch and see what other areas of my life can experience some new growth.

Social Media Lent

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Today is Ash Wednesday, the traditional start in the Western Christian Church of the season of Lent. Lent is a 40 day observance by Christians leading up to the crucifixion of Christ on Good Friday and the resurrection of Christ on Easter. Like many church traditions, Lent is not a Biblical teaching, but a creation of the early church to remind themselves of final days of Jesus’ ministry and the importance of his final days to the salvation of believers. The tradition calls for believers to deny themselves some common pleasure, vice, or comfort during this time and replace it with prayer, fasting, and remembrance of Christ’s suffering.

Last night, as I sat down to the above fat, juicy, succulent steak on Fat Tuesday and, along with the other diners in the restaurant celebrated a final night of gluttony before this season of denial, I had to take pause.  I realized that if I was going to be serious about experiencing real emotional and spiritual growth during the season of Lent, I should really deny myself something that really mattered to me and would actually cause me to pause every time I thought about it and force me to redirect those thoughts to prayers.

So I’m going to take a Social Media Lent. Shortly after I hit “send” and “post to Facebook” on this blog, I am going to remove the Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram apps from my phone for the next 40 days. I plan to continue to blog, as for me that is a writing outlet, not a social media engagement tool, per se, but for the next 40 days I will abstain from social media. I realized recently that I tend to look at Facebook 6-10 times a day and that time is going to be replaced with prayer for the friends that I typically am watching and engaging with in that forum, an email or phone call to that important group of people I call friends, and making time to connect in person with some of the people I only ‘follow’ through social media.

I’ll be back, because I do genuinely appreciate the connections I receive with people through Facebook. However, my hope and prayer for this Season of Lent for myself is that my concern and caring for the most important people in my life will grow during this time and that I will find greater interpersonal connections than I currently have. A blessed Lenten season to all.

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Weeks are Slow, Years are Fast

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Yesterday my little girl turned 5 and then I had a 2 hour homework battle with my 8 year old son. Having both of these experiences helped me realize that time is a crazy thing because weeks seem to drag on, but years seem to fly by.

Maybe our house is completely abnormal, but most weeks feel like a never ending Civil War skirmish where one side fires a volley and wounds a few soldiers, retreats into the woods, and waits for the other side to come charging out in response so they can wound a few soldiers and also run back to the woods. I don’t know if my wife and I are Union or Confederate, but it seems like no one ever wins, there is always pain and suffering (to a minor degree), and we almost always realize that we’re fighting with family in the end.

On the other hand, when I take the time to just sit and watch my children play, or see them open birthday presents on their big day, or sip a glass of wine and catch up with my wife after they’ve gone to bed it seems like time is just a blur. Where in the world did 5 years go?

The lesson I pondered last night after my skirmish with my son as I reflected on my daughter’s quick 5 years was this…EVERY MOMENT is valuable. I have to continue to discipline myself to stay in those moments because none of us ever really know the long term value of the moment we are in now. The Battle of Gettysburg happened when and where it was fought by chance when a skirmish turned into something bigger. The generals on the field of battle those 3 days in July 150 years ago could not have imagined the importance of what they were involved in at the time.

In the same way, we cannot know the importance of our daily skirmishes, quiet moments, fun, and toil with our friends and family so we owe it to each moment to treat it as if it is the most important moment of our lives; because it is, it is the one we have NOW.

America is All the Same

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It is true, if you travel to just about anywhere in America and go airport to hotel to meetings to hotel to airport, America is all the same. From Peoria to Portland, Charlotte to Champaign, Madison to Miami, San Francisco to Saginaw, or Dallas to Davenport every town in America has suburbs that are mind-numbing, bums on the street, non-descript strip malls, and the same chain restaurants. The inside of every hotel room is pretty much the same and it can all be depressing.

BUT…the good news is that if you are willing to be just a little bit adventurous, and look around, every town in America is also unique and cool! I’ve experienced Bricktown in Oklahoma City, The Student Union in Madison, WI, Livermore Valley outside of San Francisco, The Riverfront of Peoria, IL, The Harbor Center in Buffalo, NY and my own hometown’s US National Whitewater Center in Charlotte, NC just to name a few. All of these places are extremely cool and were memorable experiences. All it really takes is a desire to try something new, venture off the beaten path, and learn about the place you are in to realize that every town in America has something cool and unique about it. 

Here’s to finding what is COOL about where you live and the next place you visit.

I hate treadmills

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I hate treadmills. Other than getting sweaty and maybe a little bit tired, I never feel like I accomplish anything of value on a treadmill. I know some of my running friends, particularly my northern brethren, have to use the treadmill as an important part of their training during the winter months so I can appreciate that you sometimes CAN actually accomplish physical training on a treadmill.

For me, part of the reason I hate running on a treadmill is because of the life analogy it brings to mind. In life, as in running, sometimes we choose to, or simply have to get on a treadmill for awhile. We are seemingly just staying in one place in our life, not experiencing much of what is out there for us, but somehow getting dirty, sweaty, and tired. I find that this happens to me most often when I don’t take time to stop, slow things down, examine what is happening around me, and just be quiet and reflect on where I’m at and how I can experience more of life instead of just staying in one place getting sweaty. I’ve been in that place lately; darting mentally from one project to another, placing blame on clients for not being easy to work with, griping at my team about deadlines I know they are focused on, and generally moving too fast in one place to be very thoughtful about business or life.

Much like running outside after having been on a treadmill, I often find that when I get off of life’s treadmill, I start to appreciate beauty around me more, I discover new things that were really very close to me but I never saw because I was stuck on the treadmill, and I get energized by the other people and other exciting things going on around me.

Sometimes there’s no choice but to log your miles on the treadmill – it’s 35 degrees and rainy in Dallas today where I am attending a conference; and sometimes you find yourself on a treadmill in life. But next chance I get to be outside, running and experiencing the world around me, you can bet I’ll be out there. Today, in my life, however, I don’t have to wait for better weather – I’m getting off of life’s treadmill today and I’m going to experience the people and things around me in a new a refreshing way.

Connected at 30,000 feet

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I’m not really a fan of being connected at 30,000 feet. It cuts down on the down time a flight used to create and makes everyone feel like they have to just continue to grind out their work while in the air. But here I am, returning emails, looking at files, and writing a blog.

Next time, I think I’ll just put my headphones on and relax with a book. (or Kindle).

Lack of connectivity leads to short blog posts.

When you work from home

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Working from a home office is an interesting life sometimes. No, there’s no coworkers around to annoy you, and very few impromptu meetings pop up. It does have it’s own curveballs, however, and that is what makes it fun.

When you work from home…

– you are ALWAYS the one who has to make a new pot of coffee

– on snow days, your kids go to work with you

– you’ve got a shower connected to your office, just like the CEO

– most of your colleagues only see you in a head and shoulders shot on Skype

– every day is ‘take the dog to work day’

– you can get a workout in at lunchtime and not worry about the shower afterwards

– the commute is always great

– you have to remind yourself to ‘leave’ the office at the office

– you sometimes get lonely

– nobody checks your time sheet

– it is all about productivity because there’s no one to fool into thinking you’re BUSY

– ‘the office’ can be a very loose term and can be the deck, the kitchen, the coffee shop, the bar, the kid’s basketball practice, or the grocery store

In an effort to work to live instead of living to work, I wouldn’t trade working from home for anything. I couldn’t have done it at 28, but at 38 it is the perfect way for me to keep balance and perspective, rest and run hard, work and wind down.

 

Business Travelers

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Anybody who travels regularly knows that there are Leisure Travelers and Business Travelers who occupy the space in our airports. The fun thing about traveling is learning some of the finer points of identifying particular species of Business Travelers. For those of you just learning this art, here’s a quick lesson…

The Suit and Tie
Natural Habitats: LaGuardia, O’Hare, LAX, Atlanta, Dulles, Houston
Distinguishing Traits: Crisply pressed suit and tie (pocket square likely), hard sided briefcase, phone constantly to the ear having ‘very important conversation,’ curt to all other passengers and airline personnel, most often seen on flights before 8a and after 8p (with tie loosened, but not off).

The Sportcoat, Slacks, No Tie
Natural Habitats: Charlotte, Boston, Miami, DFW, Denver, San Francisco, Seattle, Detroit
Distinguishing Traits: Only slightly less uptight than Suit and Tie, this guy has meetings to get to, but isn’t as self-important or just has a more relaxed corporate environment, also on the phone constantly, but at least courteous to other passengers and airline staff, still likely to carry a briefcase, but may be soft sided, most often seen on flights mid-morning and mid-afternoon because he doesn’t have to cram every single minute of every day with work.

The Sportcoat and Jeans
Natural Habitats: Same as Sportcoat, Slacks, No Tie, but also occasionally seen in San Diego, Portland, Nashville, Birmingham, and San Antonio
Distinguishing Traits: Relaxed and laid back, this guy is either done with his meetings and threw on some jeans to wind down or (like me) has a job where this uniform is the norm (creative businesses of all types wear this uniform), mixture of soft-sided briefcases and backpacks carried by this species, but he is only on the phone with the wife and kids and is almost always courteous to everyone, most often seen mid-morning and mid-afternoon but you’ll also see him on a red-eye after a long west coast work day

The Blue Collar 
Natural Habitats: This species is everywhere, but concentrated in Dallas Love Field, Denver, Phoenix, Chicago Midway, Jacksonville, Birmingham, Nashville, and any other regional airport
Distinguishing Traits: The style varies, but there are always boots (cowboy or work), there are usually jeans or pressed khakis, and there is nearly always a button down shirt with a logo on the chest, also common to see a matching logo jacket (Carhhart is preferred) and some sort of hat, overly courteous to everyone, rarely on his flip phone, if he carries a bag it will be beat up and rugged, and he is always anxious to get to the bar

Jogging Suit
Natural Habitats: most often found flying TO a regional airport
Distinguishing Traits: very difficult to distinguish from a Leisure Traveler, one must look carefully for tell tale signs – dress socks with a jogging suit and sneakers, a briefcase that doesn’t fit with the outfit, far too many self-important cell phone calls, and dropping the corporate credit card at the bar after one too many in his relaxed state; on rare occasions, this species will also throw on the sportcoat that he doesn’t want to wrinkle in his bag over the jogging suit

Women
Easily identifiable, but no defining characteristics. Most female business travelers look like they could immediately walk into a CEO level business meeting or a PTA board meeting without missing a beat. All species pretty much the same.

I hope this will make your next trip to the airport more interesting and enjoyable. Happy Hunting.

Real Facebook Friends

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I’ve oft bemoaned the damage that Facebook and other social media tools available today have done to the self esteem and self awareness of our generation. My gripe is that the generation I am a part of (Generation X) already has enough hurdles in front of us…from being the first generation to earn less than our parents, to being the lucky group that were the primary recipients of the genius of the banking industry called the “interest only loan,” to being the victims of the greatest scam in American automotive industry – the new car lease. The last thing we really need is a place to post all of the greatest things in our lives and make each other feel worthless because our lives aren’t even remotely as rich, fun, happy, full, or exciting as all of our ‘friends’ on Facebook.

But there is hope, because here is the reality – for most people, Facebook is ONLY the highlight reel of our lives, and no one who really cares about us only wants to see only the highlight reel, they want to see the full season because that is the only way you really understand what is going on. Like any good highlight reel, many of our Facebook lives leave out the bloopers, the blunders, the stupid mistakes, and the missed opportunities. All of our family bickering, money problems, marital stress, gossiping about friends, complaining about work, and generally mundane and unhealthy parts of our lives end up on the cutting room floor. This begs the question: Are the lives we live on social media our real lives, are our friends there our real friends, and is it mentally and emotionally healthy to be friends with people whom we are only wiling to share our highlight reels with each day?

So, what to do? I love Facebook! It allows me to stay connected and updated on the lives of people I truly care about but don’t get the opportunity to see or talk to as much as I’d like (the guys above, for instance). But I want to have REAL Facebook friends. Here’s what I’ve decided to do about it. I went through my Facebook friends list and thoughtfully considered whether or not I would actually be friends with them if we lived in the same town and had the opportunity to have a more connected personal relationship? Would I invite them over for an impromtu Saturday bbq, would I call them for support if a member of my family died, would we have coffee together once a month just to catch up, would we meet at church and want to be in a small group together, would we get together as couples and have a quiet dinner, would our kids play together so we’d get to know each other, would we call each other for Friday Happy Hour at the corner tap, or would we be running buddies? Wherever the answer to any of those questions was YES, I kept them as a Facebook friend, where it was NO, I unfriended them. I am sure that I unfriended a lot of good people – it isn’t personal. I just have decided that I am not going to have any friends on Facebook that I don’t consider REAL.

I’m sure I’ll still post lots of pics and posts about all of the cool stuff that our family experiences. I probably won’t post any pictures of my kids throwing a temper tantrum right before church as I scream at them to GET IN THE CAR SO WE CAN GO WORSHIP JESUS! But that happens. I will probably continue to flaunt all of the fun places I get to visit and go for runs in as I travel for work. I may not post pictures of what I look like when I stumble off a red eye flight home after a long week. But that happens. I will continue to post pictures of the rare and special nights when my beautiful wife and I get to go out to eat alone with no kids. I probably won’t post pictures of the stand off at the dinner table that I have at least once a week with my seven year old when he doesn’t want to eat vegetables. But that happens. And I’m sure I’ll post pictures of fantastic vacations and getaways like the one above. I may not post any details of our conversations about whether or not we’re putting enough money away for retirement or our kid’s education because there just doesn’t ever seem to be the surplus we’d hoped for at the end of each month. But that happens. Life happens to all of us. If we’re going to be Facebook friends, let’s be REAL friends and encourage one another, listen to one another, share tough times with one another, and share honestly with one another. 

I’m not his friend, but I’m not the enemy.

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I’m not his friend, but I’m not the enemy…I’m his dad.

My own journey towards greater self awareness always seems to hit a speed bump with my kids. Yesterday was a long day at work. I don’t do anything that is saving the world or curing cancer, but just like everyone else, I sometimes have long and challenging days at work. At the end of the day, as I was preparing to get dinner started I asked my son to get his homework started before dinner and get as much done as possible. Tantrum ensued…

My first instinct was: “you’re not his friend, that is an INAPPROPRIATE response to a simple request! Correct this reaction with an equally powerful CONSEQUENCE!!!”

And for the first time I paused (the self awareness creeping in), and a second thought crossed my mind: “you’re not the enemy either, redirect his response and work with him to get him to do what was asked.”

What I realized that night as I tucked my firstborn in and discussed his day is that I’m his dad, and that noun does not have the word ‘friend’ or ‘enemy’ in the definition. I often wring my hands at today’s Generation X Parent who out of a desire to be their child’s ‘friend’ becomes permissive, smothering, and protective. I now realize that in reaction to that, I have often taken on the role of ‘enemy’ by lashing out in harshness, elevating my own status to make sure I get what I want, and fighting anger with anger in battles with my kids.

I love them, have always loved them. But from now on, I’m going to strive to be dad, not friend or enemy. I’m going to correct without anger, react without overreaction, support with expectation, and love without obsession.