awareness

And So It Goes

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There is a song by Billy Joel called “And So It Goes” that came on the radio this morning while I was getting ready for the day. It particularly stood out to me this morning because right before it there was a rocking song with guitar licks and drum solos…and right after it there was a melancholy love song with harmonies and orchestra (I was listening to Pandora).

If you’ve never heard the song, click on the link above and have a listen. It is Billy Joel and his piano. Just a voice and the piano telling a story of a man and his partner, their life together, their moments of silence and a recognition that they are the only ones that truly understand each other simply because of their time together. It isn’t the words so much that resonated with me today, but the tone of the song; particularly in contrast to the songs before and after it.

Life seems to me to be mostly simple songs with our voice and a piano. We all have rocking guitar song moments when we go on vacation or our kids do something fantastic or we have that great night out with friends. We always make sure to get those rocking moments out on social media! We also all have melancholy love song moments when important people in our lives go through pain or life deals us a tough circumstance. We might tell a few close friends about these and trooper on. However, most of our lives are spent in our mundane daily tasks, going through life with our partners, family, and friends who understand us simply because of our time together.

Today I’m trying to relish these “And So It Goes” moments more. I’m staring out the window of my office this morning at a grey sky, thankful for a routine morning run after getting the kids off to school. I’m looking at my to do list for the day knowing that there is work to be done and that it is meaningful and enjoyable. I’m thinking about basketball practice tonight and smiling about the fact that I still get to engage with kids in a game I love. It is just a quiet piano solo day, but it can be a beautiful day.

My life will soon have some rocking guitar songs and I’ll be sure to post those to social media for all to see. Life will probably have some melancholy songs in the near future too and I’ll need my friends and family most during those times. But today, life just has a routine Wednesday for me. And So It Goes…

The Beauty in My Life

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Jessi flowers

My wife is responsible for all of the beauty in my life. Today is her birthday and while I won’t say how old she is, I will say she’s more beautiful than ever! The most amazing thing about Jessi, however, is that EVERYTHING that is beautiful in my life stems from her in one way or another.

All summer long, Jessi has been watering, weeding, and nurturing flowers of different types all around the outside of our house. In the last 2-3 weeks they’ve just exploded and I took the picture above last weekend after she cut a bunch of her flowers and put them in vases and jars all around our kitchen. It is incredible to me what bright, fresh cut flowers do to brighten a room and I have noticed that they also have had an effect on the mood and cheeriness of our entire family when we’re in there – it is just hard to be sad or grumpy or upset with this kind of beauty hanging around. It is a beauty that wouldn’t be in my life if not for my wife.

This week, our kids started school. Our 3rd grade son wasn’t so excited, but my wife has been pumping him up and encouraging him for a month now and he seemed genuinely interested in what the new year was going to have in store. Our 5 year old daughter, on the other hand, was wired beyond belief about going to Kindergarten. Jessi helped her pick out all of her supplies and a new outfit for the first day of school, and ordered her the coolest lunchbox on the block to make this special week for her even greater. To see the happiness on my kids’ faces this morning when I dropped my daughter off for her first day was really rewarding for me. It is a beauty that wouldn’t be in my life if not for my wife.

On any given Saturday or Sunday in our house you can usually find us enjoying a leisurely breakfast, reading books for pleasure and relaxation, listening to NPR or some tunes in the background, and preparing for some sort of outdoor activity that involves a bike ride, hike, farmer’s market trip, walk around the neighborhood, or day at the pool. Contrary to my upbringing and the way I was wired for a good part of my life, we don’t typically race around to do a million things or cart our kids all over the place for sports and activities on the weekends. We relax, recharge, and spend time together and I am so grateful for that space in our family and the fun we have together. It is a beauty that wouldn’t be in my life if not for my wife.

13 years, 3 months, and 11 days ago I married the woman that I chose to love for the rest of my life. She was gorgeous when I first saw her, stunning on our wedding day, and has been my smoking hot wife ever since. Our marriage hasn’t been all flowers, fun, and frolicking – we’ve had struggles that felt like they’d never end and we’ve had mountaintops that we wished we could have held on to longer. I’m certain that she’s wanted to choke me more than once, confident that I’ve screwed things up royally a time or two, and grateful that through all of that we’ve continued to love each other. There will be more beauty to come in my life; now, more than ever, I am aware that life is more beauty than ugliness, we humans just have a way of fixating on the negative. I don’t know what form that beauty will come in, but one thing I’m sure of is that it will be a beauty that wouldn’t be in my life if not for my wife.

Happy Birthday Jessi. I love you.

In the Groove

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Image

 

Recently I had a friend tell me that “I was really in the groove of life.” That made me feel really good, and then I got to thinking…what does it mean to be “in the groove” in life and how did I get there?

For me, being in the groove means a heightened level of mindfulness (being present and self aware in every moment), genuinely caring for others more than I care for myself, and a right ordering of priorities in which I work to live and live to the fullest possible. By no means am I 100% in each of these areas (Michael Jordan still missed some shots when he was in ‘the zone’). I still yell at my kids, skip workout days when I shouldn’t, eat or drink to excess on occasion, act insensitively to my wife’s feelings, and forget to call friends back. However, I do tangibly sense an awareness when these things happen and I consciously act to repair my mistakes. The simple recognition of these mistakes and working to be more mindful makes me feel better mentally and physically, makes my family happier, and improves my overall well being. It is because of that awareness that I can recognize that I’m slipping out of the groove and I can do tangible things to get back.

So, how did I get there? The answer is pretty simple but the solution was complex. Friends got me there. Friends who told me I didn’t seem like myself and had started to let other people and their opinion of me dictate how I was acting on a day to day basis. I am so grateful to those friends for having the courage to tell me that. I decided it wasn’t going to be that way anymore, but as I said, the solution was complex and I didn’t really know what to do. Again, friends helped. On a fall morning, sitting on the deck sipping coffee looking at the serene view above, a friend asked me “have you ever thought about all of the JUNK that clutters your mind and messes you up?” I had not, but for the next 2 hours we had one of the most meaningful conversations of my life – it was all about mindfulness. 

Romans 12:2 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the RENEWING of your mind.” Nearly every day since that fall morning at the lake I have been renewing my mind and trying not to conform to the world. As a result, I’m in the groove of life and I’ve never felt better.